Saturday, December 31, 2011

Am. Am not.

I am about to embark on an adventure. Not a new adventure, and at times, not even a fun adventure. I am sure it will alienate me from some people and draw me to others, make me stop doing some things I love and find other things instead. I am beginning the process to lose 60 pounds for what I plan to be the last time in my life.

I've been on a diet ever since I can remember. I have joined Weight Watchers so many times they don't have to give me the welcome packet - I always already have one. I can tell you the calorie count and/or WW point value of pretty much any food out there. I know serving sizes, and I know how many calories 30 minutes of most exercises will burn.

I am NOT a fan of exercise. Never have been. I don't find it fun, I don't get that elusive "high" those crackheads people talk about. I am an expert at finding excuses to avoid it.

I am also a realist - I need to grow up and just do this. It's not a diet, it's got to be the way I eat to improve my life. I am not doing this to look like some airbrushed model in a magazine - that ship has sailed, if it ever wandered into port in the first place. I am doing this because I owe it to myself to not sigh heavily when I look in the mirror. I do not want to lose the ability to walk when I'm older because I never got around to getting the weight off.

It will never be easy and it will never get any easier. I am still able to do pretty much anything I decide to do -- yoga, pilates, walking, even jogging -- but the clock is ticking.

For anyone who subscribed to my blog last year, this is a bit of a switch. There will still be random postings, but I am committing to tracking my steps for myself here. I promise my feelings will not be hurt if you choose to unsubscribe - this is not for everyone. I'll try recipes, new workouts, whatever strikes me. I'll start with Weight Watchers since I know it, but there may be a switch along the way.

If you've been thinking about something similar - 5 pounds, 50 pounds -- feel free to join me. I'd love to know what works for you, what you've tried.

Okay, I am about to push the publish button. I am scared. But I am also scared of NOT doing this. So throwing it into the blogosphere is my accountability. Here goes.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Giving thanks. (Post #5)

It's December. I let the end of November come and go while I considered what I wanted to write. I've felt slightly overtaken by events, but moving on...

I'm not nearly as "thoughtfully thankful" as I should be. For every minute I spent writing something specific and of-the-moment here, I spent at least five minutes whining about something that wasn't exactly the way I wanted it to be. And that's probably a conservative estimate. So this post is an attempt to get me out of my own gripey [is that even a word?] head. Maybe by the time I finish writing it I'll have learned something else.

I'm thankful for a family that puts up with my need for control, my random (and often hurtful) sarcasm, and my compulsive need to throw parties when we could really just sit here and watch NCIS/Criminal Minds marathons all by ourselves.

I'm thankful for an amazing assortment of friends - I've often said that watching the comments on my Facebook page is an education on the variety of opinions, lifestyles, and beliefs that exist just in my little corner of the world. I'm blessed with people who make me think, who make me laugh, and who make me want to be a better person.

Like many, I take health for granted. I've got a child who has never had a major illness (and not many minor ones), when others would give everything to have the same. I may work to lose weight, but my health is good and I can do anything I want to do.

I guess I needed a reminder that just getting out of bed, breathing in and out, every day is more than enough reason to be thankful. I have so much more than that, so much more than I need, and definitely more than I deserve. It's time I start remembering that without a special occasion, without a "project" to remind me. Feel free to give me a nudge.